The Appeal of “Perfect”
The idea of perfection is something that we’ve all had to deal with at some point. Especially as creatives, there is an all-too-familiar - sometimes ongoing - battle with perfectionism.
People don’t look at art because it’s perfect.
People look at art because it’s extraordinary, strange, different, captivating, odd, unusual.
They look at it because it stands out.
Some artwork is so entrancing, people spend hours looking at it and in awe of its strangeness.
Sometimes entire rooms are dedicated to one masterpiece so it is given its proper glory.
Perfection is boring. It is stereotypical.
It blends together and it’s easily forgotten.
What I’m trying to say is,
You can strive to be perfect.
Or you can strive to be art.
- Nikita Gill (📖: wild embers)
Thoughts from my morning walk!
Good morning!
Lately I’ve been taking my morning walks more seriously - working my way up to being a runner. And I find that those walks set me up to be more present in the day and I have the nicest self-reflecting moments. I’ll share some of them with you. May they help you as much as they do me.
On that note, as I was taking a walk this morning I remembered a quote that I had read from Lin-Manuel Miranda‘s book of pep talks called G’morning, G’night. I was grateful for the reminder at the time because it was a word in season for me.
He says,
Good morning, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are not perfect and you never will be. You keep growing and messing up and learning and your quirks become strength. You are so much more than perfect.
The idea of perfection is something that we’ve all had to deal with at some point. Especially as creatives, there is an all-too-familiar - sometimes ongoing - battle with perfectionism.
I face it every day, and here’s what I’ve come to learn about trying to be “perfect”
Imagine spending most of your life striving for perfection; wanting to present yourself and your ideas ONLY when you are “ready”. Not only is it a never-ending farce, when you think about what perfect really means, it is not even that appealing of a choice.
“Perfect” isn’t quirky.
It often isn’t funny.
It is stiff and usually lacks personality.
It hasn’t been through what it really takes to build character…
…because it is often scared.
It does not take hopeful leaps.
It is self-limiting.
It is an illusion.
So when I think of all the things that perfect means, it is not worth striving for? And, knowing your time on earth is limited, do you want to spend it waiting to be perfect before you live?
Perfect is not interesting.
It’s just that – perfect. Infallible.
After all, it is the flaws that make us interesting, right?
So today, don’t spend another moment striving for perfection.
It is time wasted.
You are so much more than perfect.
xo, Igho
Pace vs. Speed
“sometimes you need to move slowly
so you can then move powerfully.
the modern world is so fast paced
that you feel the pressure to keep up.
setting aside what everyone else is
doing and moving at your natural speed
will help you make better decisions
and lift up your inner peace.”
“Adopt the pace of nature: her pace is patience”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Here is a reminder today that going slow isn’t necessarily bad. Especially these days where we are being fed so much information and everyone seems to be moving so fast. The illusion is that “quick” is the best way to get things done.
The urge to go as fast as you can - OR to keep moving without taking a real break - is difficult to escape. But, slowing yourself down and being still for a moment is one of the best ways to make sure that you are going as your own natural speed. At this point, it is a REVOLUTIONARY ACT.
There’s so much noise out here. So many opinions, events, thoughts and opinions about said events; ways to succeed, what to do, what not to do; whose advice we’re taking today vs. who is today’s fallen hero.
We get a ton of information in so little time. Rest - deliberate REST - is a necessity, now more than ever.
I’m saying this to creatives, but I hope this helps every reader 🥺..
When you are in the process of trying to figure out how to show up or move authentically, pacing yourself is the healthiest way to build AND keep momentum. Ideally, you need to create and show up in ways that feel true to you, outside of all the distractions.
You see, slow isn’t always bad. Most of the time it is just what you need to focus; to realign yourself with your vision and do some introspection; to figure out what really is for you and what YOU need to do.
So, if things seem slow for you, before you rush to speed things up, maybe consider that life is calling you to actually pause.
Take a beat.
Take a breath.
Try to be still for a moment.
Take it in and then, move.
Good luck.
xo, Igho 🤎
“I’m not ready yet”
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when it comes to change, it’s easier read than done and as cliché as it sounds, what you’re looking for is on the other side of fear and…
“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready.
I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything.
There is almost no such thing as ready.
There is only now.
And you may as well do it now.
Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when it comes to change, it’s easier read than done.
How many hours have you spent in the “research” phase of your next project, knowing that you’re really just scared to start.
The thing about procrastination is that it is expressed in many ways and is often easy to spot. In the “I am too tired to start today, so I will do it tomorrow when I am more rested.” “I still have so much time to do it, I don't have to start now.” “I only have 20 minutes, I will not achieve enough in this time. I’ll make more time tomorrow” “I will wait until I feel more inspired and then do this task.” and other excuses.
This is not a finger-pointing note btw. It is a much needed note-to-self.
It is also an acknowledgement of the fact that the seemingly legitimate excuse of “I’m still doing research; that’s why I haven’t started yet.” is most likely BS.
Getting ready and planning is a vital part of making things happen, but staying in that phase can become a crutch.
Knowledge alone is not enough to bring ideas to life, and unfortunately we can’t “educate” ourselves into the life we want.
Take it from someone who has read and watched endless how to tutorials on whatever it is I dream of doing.
If I could watch, read or listen my way into the life that I envision for myself, I’d be living beyond my wildest dream.
So, here’s the thing…
You're going to have to act on what you're learning - ready or not. The most effective part of getting things done and getting better at any skill is applying what you’re learning. That practice period is a major part of the learning in itself. Think of it as the last part - the thesis, if you will - of the course.
I spent lots of hours watching YouTube tutorials when I wanted to learn how to sew (fyi, I make clothes too @ighoandme). But I didn’t become a clothes maker till I got a sewing machine, bought fabric and started applying what I was learning.
I read lots of books and watched lots of videos, pinned a ton of pinterest posts on how to start a blog and how to be comfortable on camera. But it wasn't until I started writing and filming - as awkward as it was at the beginning - that I actually got good at content creation.
So assess yourself and be truthful - ‘cos no one knows you quite like you.
Have you seen enough videos? Have you read enough? Have you saved enough posts for later?
If you have, chances are, you’re as ready as you’ll ever be.
You can start creating something.
As cliché as it sounds, what you’re looking for is on the other side of your fear. But if you start now (or restart) and polish things up as you go, in a few years, you’ll be glad that you’re farther along than you would’ve been if you had started later or not at all.
Hope this helped!
Igho, xo
It’s Not Just “Hair”
It’s 8pm on a Sunday and school starts again tomorrow. My mom’s arms ache as she has spent the better part of the last two hours fashioning my hair into whatever style I chose to wear that week.
Seven year old me
It’s 8pm on a Sunday and school starts again tomorrow. My mom’s arms ache as she has spent the better part of the last two hours fashioning my hair into whatever style I chose to wear that week.
Most black women can attest to how exhausting it can be to plait a whole head of hair, and it’s even more so when you’re working a child’s hair. So, while my mother was performing gymnastic moves to achieve certain styles, I would doze off, occasionally opening my eyes to ask “mommy, are we almost done?” And my mother would lie religiously every time, “it remaining only two.” Indeed, it would “remain only two” for the next hour until we’re officially done.
And for the next week, I would feel like the most beautiful girl.
Nine year old me
I want to shave my head. My mother wouldn’t let me.
There’s no reason for it - not one that I can recall anyway. We fought for days over the decision.
I had no official concept of bodily autonomy so this wasn’t a “it’s my body (hair), my choice” situation. It wasn’t an act of rebellion on my part, but it quickly became one when I was faced with so much resistance. To me, it was just hair. If I didn’t like it, it would grow back…bfd!
We went back and forth for about a week, then she took me to the barbing salon and I got a hair cut.
Twenty-one year old me
I’m a big sister to my eleven year old sister, and I go to her school every weekend to plait her hair. My mom used to do it, but I took over when I got back from university.
When you have a decade between siblings, there isn’t much to bond over, so I think I subconsciously latched on to what I could. The thing for us, was hair.
My mom and I would talk (gist) and gossip when she would braid my hair, and on the rare occasion when I would braid hers. My sister and I would talk about all her experiences at school while I would braid her hair.
Over the years, I have spent hours with my girlfriends chatting about nothing and everything with their heads between my thighs, braiding their hair.
It is labour-intensive and skill-dependent, but I would not trade those little pow-wows for anything.
I’ve had a love-and-hate relationship with my hair over the years. Personally, I didn’t start loving it till I became free of it; until I realized that whatever form my hair takes is MY choice and mine alone. As with most things, the relationship got better when we realized we could live without each other; that we are meant to play only in the present moment. And I play with my hair A LOT - whether it’s present or absent. It one of my favorite things on my physical form.
I’m not sure where I was going with this, but I’ll end by saying, when it comes to hair…
Yeah, it’s just hair.
It is beauty. It is vain.
It is ALSO political. It is impactful.
It withholds prejudice and stands strong, loud, and proud.
It is frustrating. It requires patience.
It is stubborn and unyielding. It is malleable.
It is not you, and you are not it.
It is intimate. It breeds bonds. It connects generations.
It is revolutionary. It is liberating.
While it is NOT all that you are,
It is YOURS! And it is yours to do with, as YOU please.
Twenty-nine year old me
I’ve had a lot of time to think about why my mom was so adamant about me cutting my hair back then. Now, I think, maybe she was thinking of those moments - our regularly scheduled Sunday braiding sessions. Maybe she was holding on because she was going to miss those moments.
We never really got back to it - not in that exact form, anyway.
Maybe she wasn’t just being difficult.
Maybe it wasn’t just hair.
Maybe.
Hi.
Hi.
Welcome to my new blog!
I’ve been collecting famous and not-famous quotations from speeches, lyrics, movies, and people (living & non-living) since I was a teenager. Some are short pithy sayings, irrefutable in nature, while others are more controversial and, at times, humorous. Most of them are gentle reminders for the soul.
This blog contains my reflections on those sayings and gives accounts of how they sometimes intersect with life and taught me things.
This is for the one living on their own terms.
For the hopeless romantics who know that the simple things are the big things - a good book, good food, hugs, great wine, laughter, great company, movies that make you cry happy tears, stories that make you cry sad tears, and love that makes you dizzy.
For the one who no longer wants to say "I'll get to that tomorrow." You won’t reach the last of your days, where there are no more tomorrow and realize you never fully lived. You never became who you truly wanted to be. You were hiding.
Ultimately, I hope my writings have some valuable lessons for you.
I hope I can make some of life-ing make sense.
I hope.
